In the past few months, there have been several Instagram trends created with the intent of bringing awareness to social injustices. Instagram activism is not a new idea, and when we do it properly, it can successfully garner enough attention to bring about real change. After all, people cannot fix what they do not know. The problem is that we are doing it all wrong.

Unfortunately, far too often, these trends amount to just that. A fad. A passing moment. Here one day and forgotten the next. Worse than that, they are frequently co-opted and transformed into nothing more than an opportunity to signal your virtue or simply post a meaningless selfie. I have watched people I know, in booze-blurred Stories and Snaps, say the N-word while singing, thrilled by their public displays of ignorance. I have scrolled to the bottom of Instagram pages to find confederate flags lurking amongst red solo cups and cowboy boots. I have witnessed those who used to be friends waving American flags painted blue, comparing occupations to human lives.

And this year, we all saw these same people posting little black squares because it was the thing to do. We watched the posting of thousands of selfies meant to empower women, all while forgetting the slain women who inspired it all.

Trust me, I am all for a good splash of self-indulgence here and there, but if that is what we’re doing, let’s call it what it is. Nothing is empowering about the erasure of murdered women. There is nothing noble in only pretending to see the humanity in others. Nothing extraordinary about being oblivious to the point.

We have to remember, when we are raising each other up, the women (and feminine identifying/presenting people) whom our broken systems have failed. Every single day we are killed. For daring to deny a man his desires. For having the audacity to inhabit and be seen in a human body. For asking to be recognized in our truest of realities. For sleeping soundly in our beds wearing skin that is Black.

We have to remember the reason. These stories are the reason. These names, these humans, lost. They are the reason.

I believe in learning. I believe in growth. And, I believe in holding people accountable until they have proven themselves worthy of forgiveness. A black square alone does not do this. A re-shared graphic alone does not do this. The symbol MUST be accompanied by the work.

The deaths of these women and countless others should be unacceptable. Yet, every day we add another name to the list. 

Pınar Gültekin was murdered because a man could not handle her rejection. Or rather, Pınar Gültekin was murdered because we live in a world in which her murder is acceptable. The #ChallengeAccepted campaign was supposed to be in her honor. Instead is was whitewashed as a generic Instagram trend.

Breonna Taylor was murdered in her bed by Jonathan Mattingly, Brett Hankison, and Myles Cosgrove of the Louisville Metro Police Department because they were incapable of doing their job correctly. Or rather, Breonna Taylor was murdered because we live in a society in which her murder is acceptable. We live in a society where her murderers might never be reprimanded, and that is acceptable.

Sandra Bland was murdered because she didn’t use her turn signal. Or rather, Sandra Bland was murdered because she dared to say she was innocent. This is acceptable.

Monika Diamond, a Black transgender woman, was murdered by a man WHILE SHE WAS RECEIVING MEDICAL CARE IN AN AMBULANCE. In the U.S., 25 other trans or gender non-conforming people have been violently murdered this year alone. Somehow, this too is acceptable.

Vanessa Guillen. Nia Wilson. Riah Milton. Natasha McKenna. Dominique “Rem’mie” Fells. 

The deaths of these women and countless others should be unacceptable. Yet, every day we add another name to the list. Prevailing attitudes of racism, transphobia, and misogyny stunt our collective ability to progress. Until all of these distorted beliefs are challenged into oblivion, we cannot carry on as though everything is fine. We cannot pretend anything has changed.

In this life, all of our fights are different, but the larger fight is the same if you decide to focus outside of yourself. How lonely it is to believe you are the only one that matters. How beautiful it is to realize we can help each other. But first comes the work.

If this year has taught me anything, it is that ignorance is loud. Our current “President” encourages this mindless roaring. I refuse to try to out-shout it. Let it scream until its throat is raw, that is not our business.

Our voices are better used amongst ourselves and amongst those demonstrating a capacity to progress. It is here that we learn, and grow, and KNOW that we are insuppressible, but only when we are intersectional and unwilling to be complacent in the misery of others.

I am so tired of witnessing abuse against women who check every box of the ever-growing list titled Respectability Requirements.

I am so tired of hearing people realize what we have been screaming for centuries.

So tired of feigned concern and PR messaging.

Tired of black boxes full of heavy, empty, nothingness.

I am so tired of learning the names of incredible women, incredible black people, incredible innocent humans, after they are already dead.

I don’t want to know your name unless you can tell me yourself.

Repeat after me: I am not the only one that matters. 

Now show us.

The white man will try to satisfy us with symbolic victories rather than economic equity and real justice. Malcolm X